The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
