Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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