what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
