i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she told me i tasted like america
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize