im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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