he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just want to make out with him forever
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
