hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
