he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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