i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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