When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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