At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
tell your sister to shave her snatch
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Your topless pictures make me question reality
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
