Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Randomize
