Cold hands, warm shart.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
