I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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