I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
