I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
