First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
