My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
