You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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