i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
