2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
