is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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