You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
barbara walters just said penis...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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