Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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