dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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