He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
