then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
