Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
