My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
