Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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