I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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