Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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