I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
