I can't breathe out the right side of my face
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
