Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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