____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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