My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
