I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
