I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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