I wish I could punch you in the face.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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