fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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