I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
