that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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