I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
