can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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