She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
