the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They have beer where we have blood.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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