shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize