quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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