I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
