I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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