turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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