have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
