My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
