You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
