porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
