the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
