All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
