he shaved USA in his pubs
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
