I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
