It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
