i don't like sucking hair
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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