even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize