Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
