oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize