I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
