Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
