Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
