You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
