Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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