the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
