im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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