He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
