Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Randomize
