While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
