See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
