I wish I could teleport
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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